The above picture is how I am feeling as I journey on into my 5 years of hormonal therapy. The journey is tough, at times the destination seems so close yet at times the path seems so tough that I want to give up.

I remembered what my oncologist told me when I first started the treatment. He wanted me to have quality of life even if I am on this 5 year journey of treatment. Frankly speaking, I have never had a day of quality living since I started this treatment. I am in pain everyday due to the AI and Lucrin jab. At times, the pain is so bad that I cannot get out of bed and worse cannot walk. I get angry when it happened, I cried wonder why should I continue with the journey. I really had to rely on God and pray for strength to continue. I had good days when I am determine to carry on and bad days when I asked God just bring me home and end all these.

I did alot of research on why I am in so much pain. I felt it was the Lucrin jab that was causing me to have so much pain. I discussed with my oncologist and he persuaded me to continue with it saying why do I want to deprive my body of 5 extra years of oestrogen if I remove my ovaries instead of taking the Lucrin jab. But further to my research, people who are on long term of Lucrin like 5 years, oestrogen will be permanently gone too. Not only that, there are people who suffered from pain the rest of their lives. I don’t want to suffer like this or end up in a wheel chair after 5 years. I made the choice of removing my ovaries instead of having Lucrin jab while taking my AI for the remaining 4 years.

In the past, I would never have thought that staying alive is so difficult. After I had cancer, the journey to stay alive and fight this disease is so tough and it takes so much just so I can wake up each day and see my love ones.

Would I get to see my peaceful sky like this after 5 years? Only trust god🌈