Insomnia… Something that most breast cancer patients and survivors are very familiar with.

For me, it is like a part of my daily life even before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since I was a teen, I am always having issue with sleep. Initially with constant exercise regime, I was able to sleep better. Then when I started working, it became worse as I am so stress at work and at home and no time to exercise, I was constantly not sleeping well. Then I started taking supplements and then the condition got better but once my body got used to the supplements, I am back to square one. The 2 years before I was diagnosed, my insomnia was so bad that my drinking habits became worse. As I was constantly stressed up at work, I tend to take 1-2 glasses of wine to help sleep better at night. Then it slowly increased to 1 bottle of red everyday till I got diagnosed with breast cancer. I can only said I overworked my body till it finally broke down.

After I was diagnosed and started chemotherapy, I was so drained out by the session for the 1st two sessions that I was constantly sleeping in my 1st round of chemotherapy. From my 3rd session onwards, my insomnia came back with a vengeance. My mind was tired but I just cannot get to sleep. With my liver on the verge of failing due to my excessive drinking from before and the chemotherapy drugs, people’s joke on having a drink to help me sleep during chemotherapy wouldn’t work as it might just cause me to die faster. My friends bought me diffuser, chamomile tea to help me sleep better, it did helped a bit but I still cannot sleep through, the maximum is an hour of sleep and I will be awake for the rest of the time.

I told my oncologist about it and all that he said was, “It is common” and due to my liver condition, he was not able to prescribe anything to me. Then the vicious cycle of no sleep for 5 days then my body crash for 2 days straight without waking up for meals just continue till the end of 1st round of chemotherapy. After which, I had a break from chemotherapy to prepare for the breast conservation operation and surprisingly my sleep got better. I was able to sleep through the night.

When my 2nd round of chemotherapy started, I was so sick from it in the first session that I was constantly drifting in and out of sleep. Subsequently, the sleep issue got a bit better. And I thought finally my insomnia is gone but I was wrong. When I started Lucrin and aromasin, my insomnia came back double the vengeance. I was having hot flashes and sleep was an issue. I told my oncologist, he prescribed a type of pill and if I am not wrong, it is called Exemestane. I took it for the 1st time and it knocked me out for 2 days affecting my work. I was not able to take it and it did not help me at all. After which, I started on a metabolic approach to starve cancer based on Jane Mclelland’s book and as part of my approach, I started taking 20mg of melatonin and I added an additional supplement named Calm Forte and Fedac for my sinus problem (this med cause drowsiness) that I found a solution to my insomnia. As I mentioned in my previous entry about Aromasin, I started having depression and was crying for no reason and the lack of sleep were all causing me problems at work, I told my family doctor and he prescribed muscle relaxer to me but he did told me this cannot be a permanent solution and if I continued to be like this, he would refer me to a psychiatrist. Thus I told myself I need to get out of this. From the ‘BEEP’ programme by Breast Cancer Foundation Singapore, I got much better and met my close friend, Pika who introduced me to Jane’s book and my insomnia issue got better.

When I changed to my current oncologist, my insomnia issue started to flare up again due to my body getting used to fedac and I was not able to sleep again. So she prescribed a type of anti-histamine to me in order to help me sleep but it didn’t work at all. As I was still working as a lecturer back then, I always remembered that I can go without sleep for 5 days and by Friday, my body will start to slowly shut down and in order to stay awake at work, I will be pinching myself, drink tons of coffee, bite my fingers or hand in order to stay awake. Sometimes, I would walk around the school premises so that I could stay awake. When it was time to knock off, I will shut down my laptop, pack my stuff in an instant, called for Grab and rushed home. Then I would shower and crash in bed for the next 1.5 days then I will wake up to reply to messages and calls. During holidays, my body will start to break down and I would be sick from lack of sleep and I would have to see a doctor, be on medical leave or take my annual leave to rest at home.

After that, my body started to have signs of cancer relapsing then I know I am stressing my body due to my insomnia issue over work and I decided to quit. After I left my old job and went to my current job, covid hit and I started becoming stress over the insecurities in starting a new job, my insomnia started worsening. When things got better, my body started to react better to my supplements and Fedac again, then I managed to get better rest.

Recently, my body started getting used to my supplements and Fedac again and my insomnia started again but compared to when I was lecturing, my body did not react so badly to the lack of sleep and the recovery time took from the previous 5 days to 2 days. All I am hoping now is that my body will start to react again to my supplements and Fedac so that I can sleep on a daily basis.